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Ask your kids. They won't tell you on their own.
Most of what parents know about school comes when a child chooses to share. Kids rarely volunteer the hard parts unprompted. If you want the real story about teachers, friends, and the day, you have to ask, listen, and keep asking.
Parents will not know unless they dig a little. Encourage kids to talk about school and teachers, or it may never occur to them to bring it up.
Better than "How was school?"
- What was the most interesting part of your day?
- What was the most frustrating part?
- Who did you sit with at lunch?
- What is one thing your teacher said that stuck with you?
- Is there anything you're worried about this week?
What the research says
- Stattin & Kerr (2000), Child Development. In a study of 703 fourteen-year-olds and their parents, parental knowledge came mainly from child disclosure, and disclosure was the source most closely linked to lower delinquency measures. Tracking alone is not the same as knowing. doi.org/10.1111/1467-8624.00210
- StopBullying.gov (HHS), Facts About Bullying. Among students ages 12 to 18 in grades 6 to 12 who were bullied during the 2021–22 school year, approximately 44.2% notified an adult at school. More than half did not tell a school adult. stopbullying.gov/resources/facts
- NCES, Condition of Education: Student Bullying. In 2021–22, about 19% of students ages 12–18 reported being bullied during school (School Crime Supplement). Same survey program that underlies the adult-notification figures summarized by StopBullying.gov. nces.ed.gov/programs/coe/indicator/a10
- American Academy of Pediatrics via HealthyChildren.org (Robert Sege, MD). Parents are urged to ask about the school day and homework each day, and to talk about friendships, as everyday ways to stay connected to what school is like for the child. healthychildren.org
- Child Mind Institute. General questions get general answers (the dreaded "Fine."). Clinicians recommend specific openers such as the most interesting or frustrating part of the day, who they sit with at lunch, and what they are looking forward to or worried about. childmind.org
- Harvard Graduate School of Education (Rebecca Rolland). Daily conversations that invite kids to reflect (including "What do you need from me?") strengthen the adult–child bond that underpins resilience. gse.harvard.edu